you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
