This girl is more easily done than said...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
