Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
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