I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
