Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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