Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
