He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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