i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
