So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
