good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
