Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You left your phone here
Wait...
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