I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
