well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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