Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
