Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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