im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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