Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Randomize
