I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Even my vagina gasped.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
