I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
