Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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