You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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