Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
