You smell like a Billy Joel song
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
