Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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