Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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