How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
