So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
