Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
