Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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