Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
