I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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