I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
apparently the secret to your success is patron
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
