Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
