Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
