Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
