He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Hippo gnu deer
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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