Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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