I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
