grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
