Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
