I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
