Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
