Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
