and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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