neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
