Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
