Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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