Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
