and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Quick, to the slutcave!
it was like eating out sand paper
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
