I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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