Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
