I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
