Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
