she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
